One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
