the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
