glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
