To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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