So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
