miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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