my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize