I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
