All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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