Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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