We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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