I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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