Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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