when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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