Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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