I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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