guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
