all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize