Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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