nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
