There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
