There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
