Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
