if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize