I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
