I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
