New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
