booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
