Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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