Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
