Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
