yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
