GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
