umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
