Just cropdusted the office
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
