every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
