Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
