ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
