Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
