So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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