If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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