dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
