Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize