I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
