it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
