Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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