WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Small penises have feelings too.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were trust falling into bushes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
