Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm passing your future prison.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
foreskin is a definite game changer
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
