Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
