All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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