I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
