im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
