Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
