theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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