Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize