I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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