Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
