If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
