That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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