just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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