i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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