I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
