if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
