I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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