just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
