At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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